I Hate Writing and So Do You (Probably)

Danny enthuses upon us a rant about writing and language. He also wants you to buy his new book, because he’s a greedy SOB.

Writing is horrid. It might sound fanciful, hilarious even, to hear a writer/blogger say that he hates writing, but that’s exactly whats happening right now. Well then, at this very moment you must be thinking, “Well Danny, why don’t you just stop and do something else like cliff jumping?” and my answer to that thought is ‘No, because cliff jumping is for assholes who can’t quite decide if they want to commit suicide yet and so they let the water/rocks decide for them, But I digress.’

However, that is an extremely valid point. If I really hate it, why do I still keep doing it? And to understand that quandary, you have to understand how I got to this point. I’ve never had any opinion on the matter until very recently, when my mother mentioned to me of a girl in the newspaper whose from China and spoke extremely fluent English and Chinese and who also got into Columbia University. Apparently she does all matter of things you would expect a talented young female going to the Ivy League to do like being part of a Youth Council of something or another and having won such and such competition and she likes writing. Continue reading

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Shameless Self-Promotion Time! (Again!)

Well it seems my new humor book, Back the F*CK Up! Wild Animals that Don’t Give a Shit! is available for purchase on bookshelves and the internet! Wa-hey! Time for celebration! Go out and buy one! You know you want to!

Or do you? Of course you do! It’s not a very difficult decision to make! It’s not overly expensive and it wouldn’t use up much space in your home. Hell, if you’re interested, but for some reason dislike me (well then, you are really on the wrong website right now) you could always buy a used copy and guaranteeing that I don’t get a single penny from you, but still keep the economy rolling! Win-Win! Although I think, at this point, new copies are cheaper than used copies so maybe it’s Lose-Lose. Regardless, now you know!

Okay, now for some housekeeping. As frequent visitors might have noticed, I have left the Kony post up for a very long time. I took an unprecedented 2 month sabbatical. I deeply apologize to anyone who was disappointed or otherwise upset by this. However, I’m back now and ready to kick summer into gear by doing a lot of posting, expect something up here every week, around this time!

Until the next! BUY MY BOOK! Please.

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Kony 2012?

Danny gives his take on Kony 2012 from what he’s read and seen in his limited research.

Stop at nothing? Sure, I’m doing nothing, therefore I shall stop. In more seriousness, there should be no debate about the fact that child soldiering and prostitution is an atrocity. As a result, Kony must be brought to justice, more specifically, the International Criminal Court in The Hague. However, in order for you to not think that I am a maniac as you read the rest of this post, you’re going to have to watch this excerpt from this week’s 10 O’Clock Live featuring the hilarious (sometimes disgustingly funny) Charlie Brooker talking about Kony 2012. And, of course, duh, if you haven’t actually seen the ACTUAL Kony 2012 video, here it is. It is nearly half an hour long, so make sure you set aside enough time to watch it and have enough sustenance for the duration, there are no commercial breaks.

Have you watched the videos? No? Okay, it’s not like I’m doing anything else, I have all the time in the world to wait, this post stays this way regardless if you’ve watched the videos or not. It’s just a block of text, it can wait till you’re finished. Or you can just ignore the links and just read what I have to say, be intrigued or disgusted by what I say, and then you will click on the links. Either way, just make sure you watch them.

I’m not going to be telling you to join the movement. In fact, I’m not going to tell you to do anything. That’s your prerogative. If you decide to help the cause and bring Kony to justice, great! If not, well, cool! I’m not going to tell you why Kony is bad and therefore needs to be stopped, that’s pretty well covered by the video and other Kony Movement members. I’m here to tell you why we should take a step back and look at what’s really going on. Continue reading

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Assassin’s Creed III Reveal Trailer!!!

For better or for worse, the Assassin’s Creed series has left the medieval era for good. It has now taken up a new location altogether: Colonial America. Gone are the sprawling cities where you can climb buildings and jump across rooftops (although we might get some through very old New York or Boston?). These are the days of tree climbing and jumping from branch to branch like a monkey! Continue reading

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A Study in Sherlock

Danny tackles an upcoming CBS TV show. He doesn’t like where it’s going and he’s going to explain why.

This may not be common knowledge to the rest of the world, but I am a closet Anglophile. I like to think of myself as a person who sees the best of both of the centers of the English speaking world (Australia doesn’t count, apart from beautiful women and extremely dangerous fauna, they don’t really have anything). Being an American (some would say a bit too patriotically), I tend to see all things American through rose-tinted glasses. However, there is one thing that I outright REFUSE to stand by and that is a new upcoming TV series by CBS called ‘Elementary.’

Having not seen the pilot yet, I can’t truly judge it, but I still will, because that’s what I do. A quick summary of Elementary is that it puts the stories of Sherlock Holmes in the modern day, New York City, to be exact. It is said to star Jonny Lee Miller of Trainspotting and Eli Stone fame in the all important role of Sherlock and for the venerable Doctor Watson? Wait for it… Lucy Liu. Yes, Lucy Liu of Ally Mcbeal and Charlie’s Angels remake fame. They made Doctor Watson a woman. I just can’t imagine why that is.

NO!

Continue reading

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So… Into the Abyss that is the Internet! … Properly!

Hello World!

Yes, very cheesy. I have decided to use the default title that WordPress gives bloggers when they first start a blog as a way to start my very first post. It is also correct to realize that this is in fact, my first blog.

For those of you who know who I am, it would seem like an oddity to you. For those of you who don’t. Hello! My name is Danny Vittore and I am a contributor to CRACKED, Game Breakers and the Author of Back the F*CK Up! which you can pre-order on Amazon right now! As one can infer, I have a reasonable presence on the internet. Also, don’t worry, I won’t be constantly plugging my work like this (but seriously, buy it, it has pretty pictures AND color AND reasonably funny writing by me!), but I thought I should, for once.

Well, it’s getting late where I am so I’m going to call it a day on my first blog post. I’ll try to update this with my many musings on many subjects and whatever else I feel is worthy to go on a blog. Please be patient, I am a college student, I have many obligations that are not related to the internet.

Well, at least that’s what I like to tell myself.

Till next time! Toodles!

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